


holding her tonic like a cross

by gottagofast



Category: The Office (US)
Genre: But not explicit, F/M, Oral Sex, early season 2, idk this makes me kind of sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-03
Updated: 2014-06-03
Packaged: 2018-02-03 08:08:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 668
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1737482
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gottagofast/pseuds/gottagofast
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's early S2 and while Jim keeps looking up expecting to see Pam taking a phone call at her desk, she's half way around the world coming down from one of the first orgasms she's had in a long time, trying to pretend she wasn't thinking about him the whole time.</p>
            </blockquote>





	holding her tonic like a cross

So her guilt feels like a stone in her chest.

 

So they're on vacation and it's nice. It's warm and it's sunny and Roy is making kind of an effort not to leer at other women on the beach. There's someone to clean up after them and she doesn’t have to cook any meals.

 

Yeah, it isn't terrible.

 

And yeah, Pam's pretty sure she’s the most backwards receptionist ever when she keeps waking up looking forward to going to work in an hour and playing stupid pranks, and laughing at Dwight and shooting bewildered looks at Jim from across the office. And yeah, sometimes she opens her eyes waiting to see him looking right back.

 

But hey, the sheets here are always clean and the walls are thicker than half an inch of plywood so they do what people who are gearing up to spend the rest of their lives together do, and have mediocre sex whenever the mood hits, like they’re already getting ready for a life of just tolerating each other.

 

Roy isn’t that bad, really. He’s nice, he doesn’t pick fights and he has a steady job, so thats something to be happy about. Sometimes she feels like everyone is constantly reminding her that she could’ve done worse. It seems to reverberate off the walls and she can’t stop hearing it, and she can't stop asking herself; this isn’t rock bottom so why aren’t you happy?

 

And that's a big thing for her; is that Roy makes her happy sometimes, and he’s even been trying more lately which means she doesn’t always have to make the bed and the dishwasher is, inexplicably, empty when she goes to do the dishes sometimes. It's nice; sweet really.

 

So he’s continuing in this pattern when he offers to go down on her the fourth night in the resort.

 

“I want to do something for you,” are his exact words.

 

And after almost putting herself to sleep stammering in surprise, she lets him. She lets him put his head between her thighs and fists his hair when he puts his mouth on her. It's not like he’s never gone down on her before, but he doesn’t go out of his way and she stopped asking after he complained about how long it takes a few years into dating.

 

But after five years of radio silence he’s making up for lost time and Pam can actually feel something building in the base of her stomach for the first time in a while and is amazed and embarrassed by the small noises she’d started making when he moved against her now.

 

And then, all of a sudden, she can’t stop thinking about the office. Not idly; not the the building or her work, but all of those times she shared tiny secret smiles with Jim over the counter of her desk and the way he smiled back, crinkling his eyes and letting her in on jokes the way no one ever did for her in high school. When he taps his fingers on the desk before he leaves and how, sometimes, she catches him smiling about a joke she told ten minutes ago.

 

In the middle of an orgasm, she doesn’t pause to consider what it means when she imagines the hair in her hand a little longer or bigger hands wrapped around her thighs. She isn’t thinking much of anything coherent, really. Shapes and colours, flashing lights and a really amazing smile that she wakes up looking forward to in the morning before she’s really awake.

 

Theres a different name at the edge of her mouth just before it hits and she almost lets herself scream as loud as she can when she comes. By some miracle of willpower she didn’t know she had, she doesn’t make a sound as she calms down, swallowing back his name, bitter with guilt.

 

Roy is not bad, but sometimes she thinks about what it’d be like to be a part of something better.

 

**Author's Note:**

> i was thinking about hot dads the other day and i got really excited about john krasinski (idk is that how you spell it??) in like the last few seasons of the office because he's like the ultimate hot dad and i started watching the office again and i got really caught up in it?? im a mess
> 
> *i forgot they went like skiing?? fuck oh well


End file.
